and i think i've affirmed my suspiciouns on why i don't like my relatives. Its disheartening how many still ask one-liner questions, and smile, and laugh, and are presumptuous about so many things. my cousin painted her nails with different colours and my uncle just looked at it with disdain. i've a spray on tattoo on my forearm and it was already fading, so it looks like a mess of black lines. and he rolled his eyes when i told him i just didnt got down to deliberately removing it, without waiting to hear why i didnt do it. im strangely thankful for the food, cos that's the main topic - "where did u buy the cookies/tarts/sweets from". some of my cousins are hooked onto the tv, others just engrossed with food... it's turning to such a drap. Giving of ang pao can even get unpleasant. with just happy new year, no eye contact, and say "na". with no sense of sincerity or happiness, rather more of a 'something that needs to be done' act.
on another side of the family, it would be quieter with older pple. over the past year some disagreements erupted between them, so sort of a 'not visiting so-and-so this year'. which I selfishly don't mind. i don't take pleasure with the fact that there's no love going around, and everybody wasn't happy; i do take pleasure at how short time we spent at each house as a result. so i can go home, take off my dress and change to FBTs and tshirt, and not have to put up a happy face nor entertain pple with no genuine interest on how you're doing, as well as the inconsequential remarks.
however, i do take an interest in just sitting there observing how my relatives behave.
* how different styles of upbringing changes how the child becomes
* how uncles and aunts just adopt a don't care attitude towards u
* how in some ways there is a certain prejudice of conversation topic to either one cousin who is about to get married, and my brother who just started work in a pretty noble profession i dunno what better word to describe.
* how i never got to speak to one of my uncles cos he's just so quiet.
* how some seem to just make use of you
* how my grandmother seems so lonely at times... just staring into the space when we're talking in english and not engaged with her
* how my dad talks so differently when he's around his family
* how my mum manages to remain so bubbly wherever and whenever she's in front of other pple
* how actually some of my cousins do talk to u... and still as nonsensical as ever
* how 3 different conversations can take place at the same time in the living room and if u actually pay attention u can know what they're talking about but i just pretend to be disinterested and blur
i could go on.. but see how they intrigue me.
i resolve to not be bothered when pple just scoff at me. especially with regards to my overseas exchange to the US. some remarks are
- so just go there and play only la
- u went there for internship issit? --> omg. this was the worst question. i literally wanted to roll my eyes at him
- oh.. so everyday relac relac never do anything (useful) and eat fries until u sick of it larh --> this was absolutely INSULTING. macham i was a useless bum just spending my dad's money.
im ok with these questions, im just puzzled at their sheer lack of interest to what i had to say in RESPONSE.
i resolve to suck it up and smile. since im only seeing them 1-2x a year.
ok.. im actually just done with week 1 and 2 materials for one of my mods. im going to start week 3 and 4 now! yay!
did i mention that i am so distracted cos my house has a holiday atmosphere. :)
Blessed New Year :D
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